the scene: 330am, saturday night/sunday morning, pizza napoli, adams morgan, drunken pizza eaters abound. two springer-style-ladies, off to my right, discussing another springer-esque mädchen in front of me, loudly, and, um, in impolite terms.
large girl to right #1: look at that bitch.
not as large girl to right #2: don't do it, baby. it jest ain't worth it. that little skank ain't worth it.
lgtr#1: that flat-assed ho! who she think she is?!
nalgtr#2: nobody. she ain't shit. don't even.
lgtr#1: saggy boobs, ho shoes, nappy head, who she think she is?
nalgtr#2: uh huh.
lgtr#1: etc. etc. etc.
third aforementioned skank: hurls large gooey hot slice of pizza at lgtr#1 with a glare. pizza smacks lgtr#1 across the forehead and cheek with glorious comedic potential.
lgtr#1: hurls all 300 lbs of herself (i swear each boob must've weighed about 50 lbs each) on top of 3as, all the while flailing a steel kobutan over her head and bringing it down upon 3as's head in a sharp hatcheting motion.
3as is crushed up against a now shattered glass door, with two very angry violent girls beating on her and dozens of drunken pizza eaters cheering them on. no prissy hair-pulling nail-scratching girlfight here -- boobs may be flying but fists are connecting with gold teeth, heads are being slammed against concrete, grown men are getting crushed and pummelled in their gentlemanly attempts at breaking them up. i think nalgtr#2 lost her hat.
twenty minutes later, after watching lgtr#1 bolt down the street in heels, cops-a-chasin':
shalini: who the hell is she and why is she crying? pointing at random tiny seemingly uninvolved weepy girl in corner
max: eh. maybe she knows them?
malcolm: nah, man... i think she was crushed up against the door, behind the girl that got beat! you just couldn't see her, cuz she was probably caught in the big girl's buttcheeks!
all heads swivel to marvel at the tiny weepy girl
tiny weepy girl: WAH! cities are so scary! i just wanted some pizza! i'm NEVER coming to dc AGAIN. WAH! this shit never happens at home! who are these lunatics? WAH! where's my pizza?!!
lanette strolls up to us, having devoured her pizza amidst all the fighting (seriously, she was all of a foot away from the not-so-big-girl's 6-inch heel)
lanette: hey, didja' guys hear? there was a girl fight!!